Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Does the Perfect Wife exist?

Salaamz!

A little while back, my best friend and I were doing a little self-introspecting and goal setting over chai- made by me of course. Truth is, I don’t really like chai that anyone else makes. Whenever I’m at a friend’s dinner party I usually offer to make chai,  not because I’m a nice  person- I just like my chai the way I like my chai. I dedicated a whole post (here) to the recipe people! Why don’t you read it??

Goal setting over chai (image frommaisonboheme.blogspot,com.au)

Goal setting over chai (image frommaisonboheme.blogspot,com.au)

Okay..now that you’ve seen my crazy side, it’s a perfect segue back to my goal setting session on being a better person. Along with several career and active life style goals, we both wanted to work on our roles as wives. Each of us had called the other one too many times recently, complaining about marital problems that could have been prevented. Alhamdulillah our problems were essentially petty things that sometimes manifested into bigger issues. Regardless, they still affected us, our children and the overall well-being of the family. Though bickering had become a norm for us, we still had faith that it isn’t the status quo.. that there are couples out there that don’t  harp on each other’s every mistake and go weeks without fighting. This was not going to be a husband bashing session, we were going to take responsibility for our faults and constructively criticize each other for the sake of achieving our goals. (more…)

Fabulous Friday

Salaamz!
I’m still huffing and puffing from sending the hubby and my eldest out the door. Why are all mornings so hectic?
I hate sending my son off to school by yelling at him or scolding him.. but he just won’t wake up! Asking him nicely 46 times is not nearly as effective as ‘That’s it! GET UUUUPPPP!!’ Then everything goes according to schedule and I hate myself all day long for being so mean first thing in the morning and last thing before he sets off to spend the day without me. This happens almost twice a week.
But every Saturday and Sunday he’s bright eyed and bushy-tailed at 7am – without exception!
Sigh.
It’s not just mornings that have become hectic, as I mentioned last month I am taking the Ladypreneur 101 Course from The Business Boutique. It’s intense! I love how it’s forcing me to make sense of my bazillion ‘amazing’ ideas. I’m behind in my homework, my room is covered in sticky notes, days feel like hours and ‘real-life’ is just getting in the way of me actualizing my ideas! The experience of taking this course is unlike any other schooling or class I’v ever taken because I’m planning on applying 100% of the course material. It’s not about getting the right answer, it’s about truly learning so you don’t waste a bunch of money! It’s exciting and scary all at the same time. Make duah for me please! (more…)

Resilience and Fabulous Friday

Salaamz

Yaaay  it’s Friday! Anyone have any Black Friday shopping plans? I’m in the market for a printer. My last printer was pretty basic but got the job done. The best part was that it only cost $30.Unfortunately it is now just another name to add to the list of things my little one broke. No joke, this kid has some sort of ‘talent’ for destruction.

Hopefully I’ll get a decent one soon. I’ll have to keep it on top of my book shelf. There’s so much to consider when buying a printer- especially the cost of ink overtime. To read a pretty helpful article on ‘inkonomics’ click here.

Women only event at ISNA Nov. 29, 2015 resilience-real-women-extraordinary-struggles-unwavering-perseverance

Women only event at ISNA Nov. 29, 2015 resilience-real-women-extraordinary-struggles-unwavering-perseverance

Who’s going to the Resilience event this Sunday at ISNA? I’ve been looking forward to it since my friends told me about it. I’ve always had a soft spot for the rags to riches or the from zero to hero story.The underlying theme being that life can do a complete 180 turn for the better Insha’Allah. I love hearing real-life stories of how people overcame obstacles or tragedies. Just listening to their journey of resilience  from calamity to survivor is incredibly inspiring. (more…)

Part 4: 10 things I learned in 10 years of marriage.

Salaamz!

As I publish post after post on the topic of love and marriage during my 10 things I learned in 10 years of marriage series, I thought it would make sense if I gave a little more context to where my advice was coming from.

I was 22 years old when I was married. I was naive and very idealistic. I’m embarrassed to admit that Hollywood was my primary teacher when it came to relationship expectations.

Though my parents are the perfect example of a successful marriage Alhumdullillah, I didn’t recognize it as such back then. For some reason I felt like Monica and Chandler were more similar to the type of relationship I was going to have. I assumed the rules by which my parents abide wouldn’t apply to me because they had an arranged marriage that barely factored in their personalities – it was more of a merger of families. I was going to marry someone who shared my  vision and was compatible with me. Someone who made me laugh and ‘got me’ (and scored within the appropriate range in the ever accurate SEVENTEEN Magazine personality quizzes).

Monica and Chandler from FRIENDS

Monica and Chandler from FRIENDS

So, you can imagine the enormous amount  I learned in these past 10 years of marriage! The learning curve was pretty steep!

 

I must admit I was pretty short sighted when it came to married life.I thought that as long as you had two compatible spouses dedicated to the relationship , it was pretty much all you needed- it should  be smooth sailing from then on. I used to think that love is something that naturally happens and that if you had to ‘make it happen’ then it really wasn’t love.

How wrong I was! (more…)

Part 3: 10 things I learned after 10 years of marriage

Salaamz guys,

So we celebrated our Anniversary this Wednesday.. Allhumdullillah it was great! Technically there’s more celebrating left to do- we were planning a mini vacation, going away for a couple of nights somewhere local. We haven’t settled on where because we have yet to make a decision on whether or not the kids will be joining us. We’ve never spent the night apart from our youngest; he’s not two yet. I’m not sure if I would be able to enjoy our vacation because I would be too worried about how he’s doing. Sigh. So it’ll have to be a place that has activities for the kids.

Our actual anniversary was one long gluttonous day. We pretty much did a couple of outfit changes and ate out all day. Guilt free -I will hit the gym everyday for the next month- order the most expensive item off the menu – kind of day. My only regret is not taking many pictures. We are horrible with selfies and the restaurant we had dinner at was very dimly lit. The candle light dinner was ,more of a tiny pen light dinner.

10 years! Allhumdullilah, can’t believe it! So much has changed since then.

 

'Regret that we had Siamese Attachment Surgery? Never!'

‘Regret that we had Siamese Attachment Surgery? Never!’

When we first got married we were that annoying couple that makes you wanna cringe and gag. Just for the record, I DON’T MEAN PDA.  We couldn’t bear spending time without each other and when were apart we would be texting each other constantly. I’m pretty sure we drove our family and friends up the wall!

Why the exceptionally long honeymoon stage?

I believe a lot has to do with the fact that the entire experience was so new for us. Neither of us ever dated or had a romantic relationship  prior to being married. Even our courtship was very dry and by the book. Our interactions were always purposeful and limited to what was necessary. There was nothing romantic about it! So  moments after our nikkah we truly began to freely talk and get to know each other.We made up for a lifetime deprived of romance. My sister and sister in law are probably rolling their eyes right now..lol.  It was beautiful. We were on cloud nine everyday. I had never been happier in my life.

We’re a lot ‘better’ now, Aside from making a conscious decision to not be so joined at the hip, time, children and life in general helped as well.

Today’s post was supposed to be two points of what I learned after 10 years of marriage. Instead I had to cut it down to one point because I kept writing  and writing subtopics. Sorry! I’m really working on my excessive post lengths! (more…)

Fabulous Friday: Date it forward!

Salaamz!

Happy Friday!

As promised this weeks Fabulous Friday is about fun date ideas for married couples since it’s my Anniversary month.

I love the idea of ‘dating your spouse’. I feel like it is to relationships what a vacation is for your life- it rejuvenates and refreshes .

(image from shalaedin.wordpress.com)

(image from shalaedin.wordpress.com)

Not all couples either have the time or believe that one should set aside separate time specific to spending quality romantic time with each other. Almost everyone I know struggles with over scheduled days and never ending ‘To Do’ lists. Suddenly marriage becomes more of a co-worker relationship than a romantic bond. Sometime it’s warped cultural values that prevent couples from nurturing their relationship.

Either way it’s a shame because they are really missing out. Allah SWT has placed such importance on marriage, that it’s mind boggling that we don’t focus on it as much as we should.

 

One of the worst things Shaytaan can do is break apart a marriage!

(image from nairaland.com)

(image from nairaland.com)

Jabir reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Iblees placed his throne over the water and then he sends out his troops. The nearest to him are the greatest at causing tribulations. One of them says: I have done this and this. Iblees says: You have done nothing. Another says: I did not leave this person until I caused discord between him and his wife. Iblees says: You have done well.

Source: Sahih Muslim 2813

Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Muslim

From this hadith we can understand that marriage is very sacred in Islam. If shaytaan is most pleased with his minions that cause marital problems, imagine how pleased Allah SWT will be with those who do the opposite?

Date it Forward

 

So this weeks Fabulous Friday is dedicated to providing Date Nights for other couples in our lives. Have you ever witnessed another couple experience a rough patch? Sometimes it’s simply life tugging at them in opposite directions straining their marriage and most of the time it’s pure misunderstandings manifesting into ‘problems’.

Though it’s usually wise not to interfere in someone else’s marriage issues (unless asked), there’s no harm in playing the Love Doctor!

All marriages, those plagued with problems or those caught up  in the fast lane deserve a little boost now and then.

Here are some Date it Forward ideas for the couples in your lives.

1.Bait N’ Switch.

Invite the lucky couple over for dinner. Once they get to your home hand them directions, cash and restaurant reservation details. If they have kids, set up a fun night for the kids at your place or another fun activity. The couple will probably be all “ok, this is weird..etc”, don’t listen, usher them off to a romantic evening.

Chai tip: be willing to order in dinner ‘as planned’ just in case things don’t go as you wish.

2. Date Night Voucher.

IOU date night voucherAs part of a gift or just because, print out one of these vouchers for a couple with kids. (Click here to download and print voucher)

Sometimes the couples that need Date Night the most, are the ones least capable of making it happen.

 

 

 

3. Group Gift

(image from groupon.co.in)

(image from groupon.co.in)

Next time you’re invited to a house warming or large gathering where several other of your friends are attending, organize a couples get away for the host. Let others know that you will be bringing an envelope that they can put money in and sign a card for the group gift. At the end of the evening, calculate the total contributions and inform the host couple that they are being sent away to a local bed and breakfast etc. All they have to do is provide you with a date that they are free and you will arrange the rest.

 

For all three Date it Forward ideas, encourage the couple to do the same unto another couple. I believe that Date it Forward is exactly what the Muslim community needs.Healthy families contribute to a healthy society. We need our children to grow up with positive role models in a safe and loving environment. It’s a win win situation when the couples in your life thrive and have strong relationships. Sometimes they just need a little nudge and some help.

Have you ever done your own version of ‘Date it Forward’? Got any more ideas for sprucing up other couples love lives?

 

Chai later,

signature

 

p.s. Don’t worry, next week will be about more Halal Date ideas for you to go on.

 

10 things I learned after 10 years of marriage:Part 2

Salaamz!
While I’ve been working on our Anniversary celebration posts, I didn’t realize that it’s actually next week!
Weren’t we supposed to make it super special? The best anniversary celebration so far? We don’t have any concrete plans yet! Hmmm… any ideas?
At the same time I don’t want to set the expectations so high that I pave the way to disappointment.. you know what I mean?
Seriously, some ideas would help.

Back to 10 things I learned in 10 years of marriage.

Fight fair (Image from ultraupdates.com)

Fight fair (Image from ultraupdates.com)

Last week we discussed study-buddies, burgers and fighting…sounds more like a post on University life than marriage advice lol! (more…)

Fabulous Friday: Halal Date Ideas

Salaamz!
Have you guys had a chance to read yesterday’s post about this months blog series on love, marriage and relationships? According to Google Analytics and from the response I have been receiving from you guys- this seems like a pretty popular topic! That’s good to know because love and marriage is one of my favourite topics to discuss.
A point within the realm of love and marriage that deserves special attention is Dating Your Spouse. In my post on Day Dating, I discussed the virtues of making time for your spouse and nurturing your relationship – especially after kids. Unfortunately most couples don’t make the time or effort to add some  much needed fun into their marriage, and some that are interested are lost for ideas.

Worry not, I decided to incorporate the weekly Fabulous Friday into the Anniversary theme with: Halal Date ideas. Every Friday, for the month of November I will list three Halal date ideas that are more creative than ‘dinner and a movie’. (more…)

10 things I learned after 10 years of marriage

Salaamz!

So it’s November Allhumdullillah..the month of my Wedding Anniversary!  This year is our big 1-0! Can you believe it?? I can’t! Lol..the fact that I can’t believe it offends my husband. “Did you not think we would make it this far?” He asked me all startled.

It’s not that..I just can’t believe that I’ve been married for a decade Allhumdullillah.

As I’m getting ready to celebrate 10 years of marriage, I can’t help but remember the four other couples that didn’t make it. Within my social circle there were 7 couples getting married around the same time. Today 4 of them are divorced. In fact, two marriages broke down within the first four months.
Being a paranoid worry wart to begin with, I couldn’t help but be effected by the marriages crumbling around us.
Were we next? Could their divorces have been avoided? Or was this simply another example of bad things happening to good people? (more…)

Why I’m going to let my kids date

As Muslim teenagers, we knew the truth.

“EVERYTHING IS HARAAM!!!”

Clubbing, drinking, skinny jeans, Christmas, dating -anything fun, you name it, it’s deemed haraam.

power struggle (Image from get-it-together.com)

power struggle (Image from get-it-together.com)

Now, as parents we need to enforce Islamic principles and protect our babies from all the evil’s lurking around at every corner.
Finding the balance between encouraging the good and discouraging the evil is exasperatingly hard. You don’t want to be the bad guy that says no all the time but it seems like all they want is the haraam stuff! Even in just seven years of parenthood, I have loosened the reigns in order to promote peace and love in the home, though I still think certain things are wrong.
Masha’Allah some kids do what they’re told… and then there are my kids… challenging me at every decision. According to longitudinal studies, there is a silver lining to this dark argumentative cloud..they’ll probably challenge their peers when offered drugs too. (Insha’Allah)

muslim teen undercover (image from eramuslim.com)

muslim teen undercover (image from eramuslim.com)

We all know those kids that grew up under the rule of an iron fist and the second they believed they could do something ‘bad’ without getting caught, they would go for it. Then there’s those kids who don’t fear their parents punishment but fear disappointing them. How does one raise the latter?

From personal childhood experience, every NO I heard thickened my resistance and my resentment grew. I sometimes felt like Islam was a form of torture or trial meant to absolve you of your sins before being able to enjoy the Hereafter. Obviously as my knowledge grew I understood that this brilliant way of life knows us way more than we know ourselves. Islam’s nip-it-in-the-bud philosophy is what will prevent you from the horror of staring at  the positive symbol on a pregnancy stick wondering if your baby daddy will stay in the picture or not. It won’t let me be used or exploited like that. As a teen, all you know is that you want someone special to text you sweet nothings first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Someone to hold hands with as you walk down the high school halls. You never imagine it could lead you to dropping out of school, without support, penniless to raise a baby.

Simply NO

 

no (Image from patheos.com)

no (Image from patheos.com)

Like my parents, I can’t quite articulate how holding hands with the opposite gender or taking a sip of alcohol can lead to teen moms living below the poverty line or deaths caused by drunk driving. So, I usually just resort to saying “NO”.

Still, I don’t want the negative connotation associated with the word NO to transfer to me or my deen.
For that reason I’m going to try to say ‘yes you can’ to as many things my kids ask for.
Even if they ask me for permission to date , I’m going to say yes you can. (more…)

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