As Muslim teenagers, we knew the truth.
“EVERYTHING IS HARAAM!!!”
Clubbing, drinking, skinny jeans, Christmas, dating -anything fun, you name it, it’s deemed haraam.
power struggle (Image from get-it-together.com)
Now, as parents we need to enforce Islamic principles and protect our babies from all the evil’s lurking around at every corner.
Finding the balance between encouraging the good and discouraging the evil is exasperatingly hard. You don’t want to be the bad guy that says no all the time but it seems like all they want is the haraam stuff! Even in just seven years of parenthood, I have loosened the reigns in order to promote peace and love in the home, though I still think certain things are wrong.
Masha’Allah some kids do what they’re told… and then there are my kids… challenging me at every decision. According to longitudinal studies, there is a silver lining to this dark argumentative cloud..they’ll probably challenge their peers when offered drugs too. (Insha’Allah)
muslim teen undercover (image from eramuslim.com)
We all know those kids that grew up under the rule of an iron fist and the second they believed they could do something ‘bad’ without getting caught, they would go for it. Then there’s those kids who don’t fear their parents punishment but fear disappointing them. How does one raise the latter?
From personal childhood experience, every NO I heard thickened my resistance and my resentment grew. I sometimes felt like Islam was a form of torture or trial meant to absolve you of your sins before being able to enjoy the Hereafter. Obviously as my knowledge grew I understood that this brilliant way of life knows us way more than we know ourselves. Islam’s nip-it-in-the-bud philosophy is what will prevent you from the horror of staring at the positive symbol on a pregnancy stick wondering if your baby daddy will stay in the picture or not. It won’t let me be used or exploited like that. As a teen, all you know is that you want someone special to text you sweet nothings first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Someone to hold hands with as you walk down the high school halls. You never imagine it could lead you to dropping out of school, without support, penniless to raise a baby.
no (Image from patheos.com)
Like my parents, I can’t quite articulate how holding hands with the opposite gender or taking a sip of alcohol can lead to teen moms living below the poverty line or deaths caused by drunk driving. So, I usually just resort to saying “NO”.
Still, I don’t want the negative connotation associated with the word NO to transfer to me or my deen.
For that reason I’m going to try to say ‘yes you can’ to as many things my kids ask for.
Even if they ask me for permission to date , I’m going to say yes you can. (more…)