Archive of ‘Family’ category

10 things I learned after 10 years of marriage:Part 2

Salaamz!
While I’ve been working on our Anniversary celebration posts, I didn’t realize that it’s actually next week!
Weren’t we supposed to make it super special? The best anniversary celebration so far? We don’t have any concrete plans yet! Hmmm… any ideas?
At the same time I don’t want to set the expectations so high that I pave the way to disappointment.. you know what I mean?
Seriously, some ideas would help.

Back to 10 things I learned in 10 years of marriage.

Fight fair (Image from ultraupdates.com)

Fight fair (Image from ultraupdates.com)

Last week we discussed study-buddies, burgers and fighting…sounds more like a post on University life than marriage advice lol! (more…)

Fabulous Friday: Halal Date Ideas

Salaamz!
Have you guys had a chance to read yesterday’s post about this months blog series on love, marriage and relationships? According to Google Analytics and from the response I have been receiving from you guys- this seems like a pretty popular topic! That’s good to know because love and marriage is one of my favourite topics to discuss.
A point within the realm of love and marriage that deserves special attention is Dating Your Spouse. In my post on Day Dating, I discussed the virtues of making time for your spouse and nurturing your relationship – especially after kids. Unfortunately most couples don’t make the time or effort to add some  much needed fun into their marriage, and some that are interested are lost for ideas.

Worry not, I decided to incorporate the weekly Fabulous Friday into the Anniversary theme with: Halal Date ideas. Every Friday, for the month of November I will list three Halal date ideas that are more creative than ‘dinner and a movie’. (more…)

10 things I learned after 10 years of marriage

Salaamz!

So it’s November Allhumdullillah..the month of my Wedding Anniversary!  This year is our big 1-0! Can you believe it?? I can’t! Lol..the fact that I can’t believe it offends my husband. “Did you not think we would make it this far?” He asked me all startled.

It’s not that..I just can’t believe that I’ve been married for a decade Allhumdullillah.

As I’m getting ready to celebrate 10 years of marriage, I can’t help but remember the four other couples that didn’t make it. Within my social circle there were 7 couples getting married around the same time. Today 4 of them are divorced. In fact, two marriages broke down within the first four months.
Being a paranoid worry wart to begin with, I couldn’t help but be effected by the marriages crumbling around us.
Were we next? Could their divorces have been avoided? Or was this simply another example of bad things happening to good people? (more…)

Why I’m going to let my kids date

As Muslim teenagers, we knew the truth.

“EVERYTHING IS HARAAM!!!”

Clubbing, drinking, skinny jeans, Christmas, dating -anything fun, you name it, it’s deemed haraam.

power struggle (Image from get-it-together.com)

power struggle (Image from get-it-together.com)

Now, as parents we need to enforce Islamic principles and protect our babies from all the evil’s lurking around at every corner.
Finding the balance between encouraging the good and discouraging the evil is exasperatingly hard. You don’t want to be the bad guy that says no all the time but it seems like all they want is the haraam stuff! Even in just seven years of parenthood, I have loosened the reigns in order to promote peace and love in the home, though I still think certain things are wrong.
Masha’Allah some kids do what they’re told… and then there are my kids… challenging me at every decision. According to longitudinal studies, there is a silver lining to this dark argumentative cloud..they’ll probably challenge their peers when offered drugs too. (Insha’Allah)

muslim teen undercover (image from eramuslim.com)

muslim teen undercover (image from eramuslim.com)

We all know those kids that grew up under the rule of an iron fist and the second they believed they could do something ‘bad’ without getting caught, they would go for it. Then there’s those kids who don’t fear their parents punishment but fear disappointing them. How does one raise the latter?

From personal childhood experience, every NO I heard thickened my resistance and my resentment grew. I sometimes felt like Islam was a form of torture or trial meant to absolve you of your sins before being able to enjoy the Hereafter. Obviously as my knowledge grew I understood that this brilliant way of life knows us way more than we know ourselves. Islam’s nip-it-in-the-bud philosophy is what will prevent you from the horror of staring at  the positive symbol on a pregnancy stick wondering if your baby daddy will stay in the picture or not. It won’t let me be used or exploited like that. As a teen, all you know is that you want someone special to text you sweet nothings first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Someone to hold hands with as you walk down the high school halls. You never imagine it could lead you to dropping out of school, without support, penniless to raise a baby.

Simply NO

 

no (Image from patheos.com)

no (Image from patheos.com)

Like my parents, I can’t quite articulate how holding hands with the opposite gender or taking a sip of alcohol can lead to teen moms living below the poverty line or deaths caused by drunk driving. So, I usually just resort to saying “NO”.

Still, I don’t want the negative connotation associated with the word NO to transfer to me or my deen.
For that reason I’m going to try to say ‘yes you can’ to as many things my kids ask for.
Even if they ask me for permission to date , I’m going to say yes you can. (more…)

Playing Hooky and Day Dating

The first time I ever played hooky was in grade 9 . It was a half day before exam week and our teachers practically begged us to skip class. They assigned us our homework the day before and informed us that no lesson will be taught that day but we could come if we wanted to. Overwhelmed by my first set of exams, I was planning on being that annoying kid even teachers hate attending class before I was intercepted by two of my overly hyper friends. They were standing outside my class  bouncing from excitement. This was it, we were going to do it!

We skipped the whole day.

It was thrilling!

Death by Chocolate

Death by Chocolate

We hopped on a bus to the nearest mall and ate ‘Death by Chocolate’ at JJ Muggs. They served the dessert in champagne glass type bowl the size of my head. It took four of us to finish it. Not only was it the yummiest dessert  I had ever force fed myself, it spurred us into all sorts of philosophical -non exam related-conversations.

Would we like to die eating chocolate? How would we like to die? Would Nick Carter of the Backstreet boys like to die eating chocolate? OMG..what would we do if he died??? (more…)

Why I don’t care if my kids are smart.

We all want what’s best for our children – either it’s because of our genuine love or because of our inherent desire to see our genes survive and succeed. Our definition of success varies but essentially it means to be able to achieve a desired goal. I’ve always been fascinated with what makes successful people tick, what sets them apart from the general population? Why were they able to achieve their goals while countless others were not?

Freinds having lunch

Friends having lunch

This topic came up recently when I went out for lunch with a group of my high school friends. While reminiscing about our high school days and where our peers ended up after completing their education (a.k.a Facebook stalking)- we tried to figure out why some students were undoubtedly more successful than others. (more…)

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