Part 5: 10 things I learned in 10 years of marriage

Salaamz!

How’s everyone enjoying the cold weather? Can you believe it, the years almost over.

This is the last post in the 10 things I learned in 10 years of marriage series. I hope my 10 years of experience through trial ad error and a whole lot of research has been beneficial for you guys.
I’d like to point out that these are things I learned, not necessarily something I implement everyday; I have my good days and my bad days..
The plan was to share my knowledge while creating accountability for myself. I cant explain to you the number of times my husband has used these recent posts against me!
I knew it was a possibility when I set out to write this series. As annoying as it is I appreciate that it helps me achieve a better marriage Insha’Allah.

#8 Appreciate who they love:

A way to express your love towards your spouse is to appreciate their friends and family simply because he/she loves them. Appreciate that these people make the love of your life happy. His family helped shape who he is today and his friends are people he chose to surround himself with. Obviously you don’t have to love them the same way he does, but you should approach the relationship as an extension of your spouse and not based on whether or not you like them.
Believe it or not, this has been a reason for many divorces! You may not realize how important it is to respect your spouses relationships. Many girls think it’s normal to try and limit their husbands interactions with friends that they deem annoying or as competitors for their spouses attention. It may have been entertaining to watch in romantic comedies but real-life doesn’t work that way. He’s your spouse, not a pet or project. Rejecting his relationships is an enormous sign of disrespect.

Tread carefully because your actions indicate:
• he has poor choice when it comes to choosing relationships (aren’t you a relationship he chose?)
• You know better how he should live his life
• You are directly attacking him. He will get defensive about his loved ones and slowly start building resentment towards you.
Rule: if someone is important to him, they’re important to you.

Disclaimer: I don’t mean relationships that are toxic or detrimental to your spouses safety

#9 Random Sweet Gestures:

True love isn’t expressed in grand gestures; rather in the sum of a thousand tiny acts of kindness. A love note in his lunch bag, an unexpected hug from behind or doing her share of the chores. Doing something small, unexpected and specifically for your spouse, does wonders for the mood of your relationship. No need to wait for special occasions to make your spouse feel loved. Men and women find different acts as kind or sweet. Just because you like flowers doesn’t mean he does. Here’s some helpful links to suggestions of random gestures she would appreciate and random gestures he would appreciate.

10) Never stop praying for your relationship.

Many people pray for a spouse but don’t pray for their spouse. I firmly believe my marriage does well when I pray for Allah SWT to bless us with peace, love, respect, understanding and patience. When things aren’t as peachy as they can be, it’s often because I’ve neglected making specific duas for our relationship.
Remember: when dealing with a difficult spouse or marital problem turn to ALLAH FIRST! He can actually help you, your friends sympathetic ear cannot.
Make duah that Allah helps you fulfill your rights incumbent on you, that Allah protects you from suspicion, misunderstanding, evil eye and that he makes you a wonderful, loving couple.

There you have it, the 10 things I learned in 10 years of marriage!

I hope they were beneficial and helpful to you guys.

Chai later,

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4 Comments on Part 5: 10 things I learned in 10 years of marriage

  1. Kulz
    December 6, 2015 at 7:22 pm (2 years ago)

    Awesome series!! Hahahaha I kept wondering what you’re husband must have been thinking at some points in your posts. lol may Allah bless you both!!

    Reply
    • Sahar
      January 11, 2016 at 6:00 pm (1 year ago)

      I’m so glad you’re enjoying the posts..man you don’t know the half of what happens behind the scenes before I hit publish!

      Reply
  2. Mohammad Z
    December 9, 2015 at 2:14 pm (2 years ago)

    I really benefitted from this series. Read all 5 parts – found 2/3 points in particular very helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this.

    “I cant explain to you the number of times my husband has used these recent posts against me!” -> lol smart man

    Reply
    • Sahar
      January 11, 2016 at 6:08 pm (1 year ago)

      Alhamdulillah! I’m so happy to hear that 🙂
      Anytime dude..I’ve been the third party in several marital disputes and was surprised at how many ‘problems’ are avoidable and just a matter of misunderstanding.
      lol..yeah he is..too smart for his own good.
      p.s I fully expect to be invited to your wedding!

      Reply

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