Part 3: 10 things I learned after 10 years of marriage

Salaamz guys,

So we celebrated our Anniversary this Wednesday.. Allhumdullillah it was great! Technically there’s more celebrating left to do- we were planning a mini vacation, going away for a couple of nights somewhere local. We haven’t settled on where because we have yet to make a decision on whether or not the kids will be joining us. We’ve never spent the night apart from our youngest; he’s not two yet. I’m not sure if I would be able to enjoy our vacation because I would be too worried about how he’s doing. Sigh. So it’ll have to be a place that has activities for the kids.

Our actual anniversary was one long gluttonous day. We pretty much did a couple of outfit changes and ate out all day. Guilt free -I will hit the gym everyday for the next month- order the most expensive item off the menu – kind of day. My only regret is not taking many pictures. We are horrible with selfies and the restaurant we had dinner at was very dimly lit. The candle light dinner was ,more of a tiny pen light dinner.

10 years! Allhumdullilah, can’t believe it! So much has changed since then.

 

'Regret that we had Siamese Attachment Surgery? Never!'

‘Regret that we had Siamese Attachment Surgery? Never!’

When we first got married we were that annoying couple that makes you wanna cringe and gag. Just for the record, I DON’T MEAN PDA.  We couldn’t bear spending time without each other and when were apart we would be texting each other constantly. I’m pretty sure we drove our family and friends up the wall!

Why the exceptionally long honeymoon stage?

I believe a lot has to do with the fact that the entire experience was so new for us. Neither of us ever dated or had a romantic relationship  prior to being married. Even our courtship was very dry and by the book. Our interactions were always purposeful and limited to what was necessary. There was nothing romantic about it! So  moments after our nikkah we truly began to freely talk and get to know each other.We made up for a lifetime deprived of romance. My sister and sister in law are probably rolling their eyes right now..lol.  It was beautiful. We were on cloud nine everyday. I had never been happier in my life.

We’re a lot ‘better’ now, Aside from making a conscious decision to not be so joined at the hip, time, children and life in general helped as well.

Today’s post was supposed to be two points of what I learned after 10 years of marriage. Instead I had to cut it down to one point because I kept writing  and writing subtopics. Sorry! I’m really working on my excessive post lengths!

The sixth point is how my husband and I detached ourselves from each others hips and how we learned it’s better for our lives overall.

# 6 Don’t forget yourself

It’s amazing to have a soul mate and a better half, but you are still a separate entity. Keep exploring your personal interests, maintain old friendships and have a life that doesn’t revolve around your spouse. You will be a better spouse if you bring something unique to the relationship. Losing yourself is never a good idea –  regardless of how much you love someone.

Spend time apart

As great as it felt to  constantly be together, it wasn’t healthy. We were stunting our own growth. If you’re always indulging in the moment, you don’t think far ahead and eventually limit your scope. You don’t advance in your careers and your personal goals. Being head over heels in love is fun but soon after you are a pair of regretful people, albeit giddy in love.

spending time with friends (image from pinterest.com)

spending time with friends (image from pinterest.com)

Spend time with your friends and family without your spouse once in a while.We often subconsciously adjust our personalities according to our company. Being with those who know you outside of your marriage will help your old self make an appearance.

Cultivating our individual social lives has positive benefits on our marriage too. I always come back refreshed and full of energy after spending time with the girls. Likewise I encourage my husband to relax with his  buddies so he can return more fun too.

Sounds like a no brainer right? Well it’s a lot easier to make this mistake than you think; a pitfall to being happily married!

 

Love yourself first.

love your self(image from wessexscene.co.uk)

love your self(image from wessexscene.co.uk)

People who don’t love themselves are hard to love. They are often jealous, pessimistic, suspicious and a burden to be around.If you are not happy with yourself you won’t bring much to your relationship.Looking after your emotional,and personal needs first, is vital to a healthy marriage.You can only expect to lean on someone so much before you weaken them. Get a hobby, explore your interests, take care of your health and appearance. Neglecting yourself sends out the message that you don’t love you, why would someone else?

The best marriages are the union of two confident and self loving people.When you are happy with yourself and love yourself you bring your best to the marriage.

What mistake(s) did you make when you first got married? Come on, there’s bound to be a few! I can’t be the only one.

Stay tuned for the remaining four points.

Chai later,

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2 Comments on Part 3: 10 things I learned after 10 years of marriage

  1. Anonymous
    November 22, 2015 at 2:58 am (2 years ago)

    “We made up for a lifetime deprived of romance…It was beautiful. We were on cloud nine everyday. I had never been happier in my life.”

    I smiled from the depth of my heart when reading that, just so beautiful. May Allah bless you both. My engagement just abruptly ended yesterday (going from excitment to shock within a day). SubhanAllah Allah brought me to your blog.

    Please make dua Allah helps me so that one day i can describe my marriage just like you did yours. Jazakallah khairun.

    Reply
    • Sahar
      November 24, 2015 at 6:58 am (2 years ago)

      Assalamu Alaikum,
      Insha’Allah you will have such an amazing marriage that your honeymoon phase will never end, you and your spouse will always be smiling silly and even your kids will be sick of how in love you are 🙂
      I’ve known several people who’s engagements broke off, sometimes a day or two before the wedding.
      Allhumdullillah time heals. Allah SWT replaced their fiance with an even greater spouse who made them so happy that their broken engagement was barely a memory.
      A broken relationship, especially so abruptly can be very painful. I pray that Allah SWT gives you patience, strength and keeps your Iman strong during this trying time.The fact that you’re being tested, is an indication that Allah SWT loves you.You are definitely in my duas.
      Chin up, Insha’Allah wonderful things are coming your way.

      Reply

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